The Stuff of early motherhood.. and what we’re packing

Many folks are asking, “Wait, what will you do with all your stuff?” The George Carlin set comes to mind, about how we are managed by our stuff.  When Marie Kondo’s minimalist book came out in 2011, I devoured it and thought it was an incredibly effective way to sort through materials. At the time, I mostly applied it to my closet.  I was a newlywed and we lived in a small apartment, so there wasn’t too much stuff to manage, really.  But once you have little kids, there is SO much accumulated over those first few years.  You save their clothes in case they have a younger sibling, and we were lucky enough to have buckets of hand-me -downs awaiting growth spurts, stored away in closets.  There are bath toys, playmats, and toys for various ages and stages (again, saving for that possible next sibling). I valued a print rich environment, so we were surrounded by bookshelves and baskets of board books, picture books, puzzles and activity books. There were stickers, messy art supplies, backyard toys, math manipulatives, sports accessories, bubbles, chalk, and stuffed animals.  Parents and friends give you things with wonderful intent, but it all adds to an air of general overwhelm. 

I tried to mimic how neighborhood friends decorated their homes so beautifully, but my true values were in direct opposition to an aesthetic home. I valued messy, open ended play and exploration for young kids.  I valued letting them get a little bored to discover their true interests, and also strewing educational invitations to play throughout the house.  I valued time in nature, but guess what comes with that? Messy rainboots, holes in pants, buckets for stone soup and muffin tins that are used to make mud pies. Our backyard always looked like a science experiment had just taken place (often one had, thanks to baking soda and vinegar), because my eldest loved to make Rube Goldberg type contraptions.  Our playset often had large construction tubes leaning against it, and a tarp for an extra roof, and buckets and rope to make pulleys. I couldn’t keep a car clean for the life of me, and I often felt like I was failing at the invisible, unattainable domesticity standards placed on women. 

But I was kicking ass at parenting. Mothering littles is what I was meant to do.  Establishing routines and enforcing rules in a loving way came so naturally to me, thanks to my teaching background. We spent our days reading books, making art, exploring outside, and laughing a lot.  Of course I got overwhelmed and touched out and felt like I was losing my mind- that’s just part of early motherhood. I have enough distance from it now to see something I couldn’t then: I was actually doing a really good job.

But man, thinking back about the STUFF we had to manage during those years!? It takes over your life. They were so quickly outgrowing clothes, needing new seasonal shoes, losing pieces of toys, and trying to find a non-leaking sippy cup throughout it all. Comparing that time to our last move, when we came to Colorado from Virginia, we had a small UHaul.  It mostly held our large Lego bricks, a bunk bed that is so solid and cannot be found anywhere in America anymore, clothes, a family heirloom dresser, and holiday decorations. I secretly loved the excuse to downsize and force choices upon ourselves about what was really necessary.  

Moving to Spain will require a level of downsizing that we have not encountered thus far. And this time, instead of wondering what to get rid of, I’m thinking about the opposite question: what is actually worth bringing with us?

As much as I miss the boys being little sometimes, I definitely do not miss the ‘stuff’ that overwhelmed me during that time period.  The boys are 9 and 11, and still love Legos, but other than that don’t have too many personal possessions.  They are a bit sentimental, and have license plates from Virginia and rocks from our lake house.  They will probably find something to take from our Colorado home.

I definitely want to move with some holiday decorations, especially ones that I’ve inherited from my mom and Chris’s mom.  They remind us of home and make everyone feel cozy and comforted in a new place. As far as regular decorations, I’m thinking of taking a few photos that stick magnetically to the wall, a handful of sentimental items like paintings my grandmother and Chris’s grandmother made, my small rock collection, and thin photo books. 

We’re going to ask Chris’s parents to hold two or three boxes worth of kid artwork and baby memorabilia, and some bigger photo albums that won’t fit in suitcases to Spain. 

Our plan is to bring four giant soft sided suitcases, and possibly a hockey size duffel bag or two. I tried vacuum shrinking my entire closet (minus shoes) and it only weighed 45 pounds!  We’ll spread out heavier items like some photo books and our favorite school books.  We’re going to dismantle some of the Lego sets and seal them in ziploc bags to rebuild in Spain. 

Someone recently gave me the genius tip to pack Annie’s mac and cheese in Ziploc bags for a taste of home. After years of feeling buried under all the stuff of childhood, it’s funny to realize how little we actually need to bring. When I look at what we’ll be packing, it’s surprisingly little. But in the crevices of those suitcases will be the small things that make a house feel like home.